The Birth of Cosmo: MyONE's Superhero Size Specialist - ONE®

The Birth of Cosmo: MyONE's Superhero Size Specialist

When Cosmo descended from the heavens in 1999, many among us believed it was a sign of the coming apocalypse. The world was already on edge, fearing the impending Y2K ‘crisis’ and many earthlings anxiously prepared for doomsday.
MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

World leaders and organizations from across the globe panicked as Cosmo hovered over the Mall of America.  As Cosmo addressed the world for the very first time, onlookers were  relieved to hear Cosmo’s message of peace and understanding and amazed when he immediately started juggling what seemed to be an infinite amount of sex toys. As dildos and butt plugs rose and fell, Cosmo explained that traditional condoms properly fit only 12% of condom users. And that because regular condoms are more than 7 inches long, they are too long for over 91% of condom users. People looked around baffled by the new simple truth that Cosmo was sharing. After all, for years we toiled away with poorly fitting condoms, leading to erection loss, slippage, and even breakages. 

MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

Over the next two decades Cosmo buzzed around to share his condom knowledge. He met with practically every world leader, entrepreneurs, and leading sexologists  trying tirelessly to spread his message to anyone who would listen.  It wasn’t until October 2017 when MyONE® launched their Custom Fit™ lineup that Cosmo felt his message was being received. Since that date he has been a consistent ally of ONE® and MyONE®, using his powers of penis length & girth omniscience to assist their team. 

MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

Nowadays, Cosmo spends the majority of his time at ONE® Condoms Secret World Headquarters, an underwater base colloquially referred to as ‘The Condominium’ by its occupants. His days are occupied by rigorous condom safety testing, research and development, and marketing efforts. Cosmo has even been known to reply directly to customer questions, leading to an influx of emails, text messages, and phone calls from people eager to connect even for just an instant with his legend. 

Still, so many people across the globe have questions. Where does Cosmo come from? How did he get here? If he’s a superhero then why does he need glasses?

After two decades of ignorance, a team was finally assembled to investigate. Made up of over 1,000 scientists from the world’s top 50 universities and funded by a special UN council, they scoured records across the universe to answer these pressing questions.  The results of their study are truly ground-breaking.  

Few specifics are known of Cosmo’s birth, but scattered astral records from the Dong Dimension do reveal a few major things. Cosmo was born fully formed, cast out of a massive solar flare and discovered in orbit around the distant planet Erectara. He was cradled in a jumbo FitKit® and scientists assume that this is what protected him from the immense heat of his home star. Cosmo uttered these now famous words upon being woken: In the cosmic tapestry, everyone will find their perfect fit…

MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

Erectara was destroyed by a supernova, roughly around the time of Cosmo’s birth. It is believed that Cosmo is the last of his kind but he has never confirmed this commonly accepted fact. Cosmo did assist the researchers in his own way, claiming the following:

  • He is nearly 2,000 years old
  • His omniscience only extends to penis length & girth.
    • (Note: Many people still believe that his glasses have an advanced x-ray technology that allows him to see through clothing. After analysis of his glasses by the Oxford researchers, this is confirmed to be false.)
  • He can, however, look into a person’s eyes and decipher what condom style would complement their penis. See Cosmo’s Picks here, including the out-of-the-world graphene condom ONE® Flex™.  
  • The FitKit® was derived from an ancient Erectarian codex
  • He uses ONE® Move® Deluxe Personal Lubricant to style his hair (NOT RECOMMENDED)

MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

Scientists are mainly perplexed by the fact that Cosmo claims to be almost 2,000 years old. Apart from records of his birth, there are only scattered mentions of Cosmo across the universe prior to his arrival on Earth. This fear of the unknown has sparked the formation of several groups across the globe, primarily in the United States, calling for Cosmo’s expulsion from the planet. Despite this backlash, opinion polls consistently demonstrate that Cosmo has an approval rating of over 90%, with many Americans even calling for him to run for political office. 

Dedicated fans (affectionately nicknamed Cosmonauts) know that would never be an option for Cosmo. He has stated on several occasions that the only thing he is concerned about is proper condom fit and improved access to sexual health education. Little is known of his personal life and he rarely showcases his personality to the masses. His level headed, patient, and unassuming approach to his work has highlighted him as a role model for the next generation of humans on Earth. His arrival more than 24 years ago defines the group of people born from 1999-2019 as Generation Cosmo, a designation that Cosmo himself is not fond of. 

MyONE Size Specialist Superhero Cosmo

Cosmo’s impact on global culture cannot be understated. His arrival marked a major turning point in human history, the impacts of which are still reverberating today. But you won’t find Cosmo resting on his laurels anytime soon. Despite the monumental progress we’ve made in the past few decades, Cosmo will be the first to tell you that there's plenty of work left to be done. Until everyone on this planet has found their perfect fit, Cosmo will not rest!

For all the Cosmonauts out there, order the coveted Limited Edition Cosmo Trading Card for free. Add the Cosmo Card to cart here*. And use code AskCosmo for 15% off your entire order (1 time use code per customer).


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